February brings new things!

Can you believe it's February already? Things couldn't be any busier right now with work and school (3 papers due this weekend!!!) but i'm thankful things are going well despite that. I thought that it would be too overwhelming, and so far, it has been bearable, so that's been a blessing.

I'd love to write on here more, but I really don't have a lot to write about these days. The superbowl party we had last night at the DePriest's was so fun. It was awesome getting to know new people from church and have fun, food and fellowship...my favorite things! :-)

I'm going to France at the end of February to visit my bestest friend from my growing up years, Pam! She's a missionary at a Chateau there and has been there on her second term now for 13 months. It's been that long since i've seen her and I can't believe it. So I've decided that during my break from school, i'm taking off of work. I randomly bought a ticket one day and will be headed to Franace February 27th! You can imagine the excitement there! :-)

Something funny....I have a feeling this month will be filled with many exciting things. Well, when Paul and I talked about getting engaged and rings, etc. back in November...I had mentioned that he could propose NO later than April because I need a good 6 months to plan! But I told him that Ferbruary would be perfectly ideal because that'll give me 8 months...and i need 8 months to plan if i'm working full time and taking 18 credits at school. So off and on we'll quickly mention it and I just have this feeling it could be any day now. I've already seen my ring actually. Back in November was the last time I saw it. Paul and I went to this "Mom and Pop" shop near where he works and found the perfect ring. The guy in the store was so personal and told us that these rings were one of a kinds. They do not mass produce them, so any ring I chose, no one else would have...which i REALLY liked. So I remember telling Paul that it was probably way too expensive (because from what I remember...it was GORGEOUS!!! Unlike anything I've seen before!), and that we should just look elsewhere. But he assured me it wasn't too expensive and made sure it was the one I wanted. From then on out, I've tried not to think about it much. I obviously know what ring I'm getting but what is really exciting is that I can't remember exactly what it looks like...because there were so many details on it! I just remember really liking it a lot. So needless to day, it's not one of those traditional stories where the girl is completely surprised haha. And both him and I are okay with that because #1 - He wanted me to really love the ring i'll have the rest of my life and #2 - We needed to plan a little when engagement would happen so that I can figure out what is going on with school. So I guess we'll see what happens soon :-)

I'll be in touch!

Life is busy...

Oh life is so busy right now. I just started classes up again here at Regent University. I'm taking 3 different business classes and i'm still working full time (40 hours!). I think i'm insane. It definitely is challenging, but I keep telling myself that it will be worth it later on down the road.

I have been SO blessed. I love living here in Va Beach, near my best friend (aka my boyfriend...and hopefully soon to be fiance *smiling!!!*...should be any day now haha). Today I had a breakdown....literally. Both emotionally and physically. I was sitting at a huge intersection waiting at the redlight, when all of a sudden my car turned off. I freaked out. I tried starting it back up again but it wouldn't. Because i'm somewhat clueless, I had to call my Paul (the bf) up and ask him (crying hysterically the entire time!) where my foreway flashers would be! It was insane. It finally started again and it stopped again before I could make the greenlight. I was so scared to finally cross the intersection when it started again. It slowly and jerkily moved across the intersection. I was so hysterical the whole time. It was one of my scarier moments in life. I thanked God tremendously for keeping me so safe. What an amazing Friend we have in Jesus! I could have been so hurt but He had His hand of protection on me!

It reminded me of Grace. God's amazing grace that I don't deserve. I was saved by the grace of God, both when I was 6 years old and daily, constantly. And situation and circumstances like today remind me of what I was saved from. What an amazing Father we have to have such a hand of protection over us, providing us with a grace we don't deserve!

Needless to say, I'm incredibly thankful for my loving Father after such a scary moment in life! And i'm thankful for those reminders He brings!

Whenever Everything Else Fails

You would think that Christmas time would be the happiest time of the year...spending time with family, vacation from work/school, being lazy, etc. But this year has been something different from any other year for me.

Here's how it all began...

I moved to VA Beach this past August to live closer to the man I love dearly. I left all my friends (who are still at the Bible college I transfered from), and I'm now 8 hours from my family instead of 1 hour. So there have been many times (at least once a month!) that I will cry about missing my friends and being so far from my family. First of all, it's so hard to find good, godly friends. I definitely have been missing my good friends at my old college. Secondly, I'd loved the option of being able to go home for a quick weekend/night if I wanted/needed to. Now I don't have those things. I thought coming home would be something I would definitely enjoy. But it's not at all like what I thought it would be like.

There has been a strain on our family for the past couple of months now. Everyone is growing up and differences start to show. Well, since none of my family reads this blog, I'll just explain so that anyone who does read it, could give some advice possibly?! For example, a couple years ago I dated a guy that was completely wrong for me in every area. He was charming, handsome, and had all the right things to say, but in the areas that mattered, he didn't cut it. My entire family could see it, but I couldn't. They tried saying things to me and warning me, but I pushed them farther and farther away because I didn't see what they saw. Finally, after the 3rd time of dating this guy and breaking up with him did the Lord really open my eyes. I can't exactly remember WHY or HOW I realized it...but maybe one day I'll remember. Anyway, the EXACT same thing is going on right now with my sister. My entire family disagrees with her dating him and she has moved farther and farther away from each of us. She's asked us each of our opinions and she knows how we feel, except for some reason it doesn't matter. Before she started dating him, our opinions meant the world to her.

My mom keeps telling my brother and I that we need to stop saying things because the more we say, the more she is going to want to date him. It really doesn't make sense to me! There has been so much tension here at home, it really makes me want to stay in va beach and not come home. But I don't want that. I love my family! But I don't want this drama in the house. Why can't my sister see it?

And there is a great example of questioning the plan of God. There IS a reason for this guy in my sister's life right now, and there IS a reason for the tension in my family. But my heart hurts right now. And I don't know how to make everything better. I'm the kind of person who just wants to fix everyone's problems and make everyone feel okay.

Trust. God wants me to trust Him right now. He wants me to be kind even when I don't want to be kind. He wants me to choose the right words instead of hurtful words. He wants me to understand that I have absolute no control over this situation as much as I'd like to.

So that is exactly what I need to pray for. I need to realize every day, in every aspect of each day, that God is in control and I need to cast my cares upon Him. It's hard for me to leave EVERYTHING in God's hands, but it seems aparent that He wants me to learn that lesson.

Thank you Lord for the lesson you teach us! Please make me grow closer to You because of the things and situations you bring into my life!

In Amazement

In the busyness of life, I want to set aside time to process what the Lord has been teaching me. Not only that, but I want to be able to encourage others by showing Christ's love to me through my writings. There will be times when I'm confused, hurt, happy and sad. But I know one thing for sure, I will always strive to not let my heart become discouraged. John 14:1 says, "Let not your heart be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me." (Jesus to His disciples)

I'm amazed that even in the busyness of life around me, God draws me to Himself, reminding me that I am a precious child of the Most High!

I'm at a place in life where it's not good enough to be off again/on again on fire with my walk with God. There will be months that I am passionately in love with my Savior. But then there are also months when I can go days or even weeks within so much as a simple prayer. I'm struggling with the question, "How can I be consistent in my walk with God?" It's a constant battle and effort and I believe it comes with practice...constant practice.

I'm amazed that even though I fail time and time again, my Heavenly Father picks me up and sets me back on the straight and narrow once again. Praise God!

I don't understand a lot of things in life. But something I have really learned time and time again is not to doubt what the Lord is doing. God really DOES know our desires and our needs and He will provide for those. Every time I go to question what the Lord is doing in either my life or a friends, I sit back and think, "God, even though I don't understand what's going on, thank you for the things that I DO understand." What a blessing! God could keep everything from me, yet He chooses to reveal His almighty plan slowly to me. I will never be able to see the entire picture, but the Lord knows exactly what I can handle at this point in life.

I'm amazed at the power and wisdom of God. He allows us to understand concepts in the Bible that we aren't even worthy to comprehend!

At the end of the day, what matters? People say, "How hard you work," or "If you've spent time with your family," or "If you've loved others." What matters most to me at the end of each day, "Did I please God and make Him proud of me in every aspect of today?" That is what matters to me! Yes, I love my family, I want to love others, and I want to be a hard worker, but I believe all those things tie into pleasing God and making Him proud.

I'm amazed that I have the privilege of seeing my Savior face to face one day. I want to be a faithful servant of the Messiah so that when I meet Him, He will be proud of who I become in the life He gave me on earth. I don't want to just be on fire every once in awhile, but striving every single day of my life.