Oh life is so busy right now. I just started classes up again here at Regent University. I'm taking 3 different business classes and i'm still working full time (40 hours!). I think i'm insane. It definitely is challenging, but I keep telling myself that it will be worth it later on down the road.
I have been SO blessed. I love living here in Va Beach, near my best friend (aka my boyfriend...and hopefully soon to be fiance *smiling!!!*...should be any day now haha). Today I had a breakdown....literally. Both emotionally and physically. I was sitting at a huge intersection waiting at the redlight, when all of a sudden my car turned off. I freaked out. I tried starting it back up again but it wouldn't. Because i'm somewhat clueless, I had to call my Paul (the bf) up and ask him (crying hysterically the entire time!) where my foreway flashers would be! It was insane. It finally started again and it stopped again before I could make the greenlight. I was so scared to finally cross the intersection when it started again. It slowly and jerkily moved across the intersection. I was so hysterical the whole time. It was one of my scarier moments in life. I thanked God tremendously for keeping me so safe. What an amazing Friend we have in Jesus! I could have been so hurt but He had His hand of protection on me!
It reminded me of Grace. God's amazing grace that I don't deserve. I was saved by the grace of God, both when I was 6 years old and daily, constantly. And situation and circumstances like today remind me of what I was saved from. What an amazing Father we have to have such a hand of protection over us, providing us with a grace we don't deserve!
Needless to say, I'm incredibly thankful for my loving Father after such a scary moment in life! And i'm thankful for those reminders He brings!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Whenever Everything Else Fails
You would think that Christmas time would be the happiest time of the year...spending time with family, vacation from work/school, being lazy, etc. But this year has been something different from any other year for me.
Here's how it all began...
I moved to VA Beach this past August to live closer to the man I love dearly. I left all my friends (who are still at the Bible college I transfered from), and I'm now 8 hours from my family instead of 1 hour. So there have been many times (at least once a month!) that I will cry about missing my friends and being so far from my family. First of all, it's so hard to find good, godly friends. I definitely have been missing my good friends at my old college. Secondly, I'd loved the option of being able to go home for a quick weekend/night if I wanted/needed to. Now I don't have those things. I thought coming home would be something I would definitely enjoy. But it's not at all like what I thought it would be like.
There has been a strain on our family for the past couple of months now. Everyone is growing up and differences start to show. Well, since none of my family reads this blog, I'll just explain so that anyone who does read it, could give some advice possibly?! For example, a couple years ago I dated a guy that was completely wrong for me in every area. He was charming, handsome, and had all the right things to say, but in the areas that mattered, he didn't cut it. My entire family could see it, but I couldn't. They tried saying things to me and warning me, but I pushed them farther and farther away because I didn't see what they saw. Finally, after the 3rd time of dating this guy and breaking up with him did the Lord really open my eyes. I can't exactly remember WHY or HOW I realized it...but maybe one day I'll remember. Anyway, the EXACT same thing is going on right now with my sister. My entire family disagrees with her dating him and she has moved farther and farther away from each of us. She's asked us each of our opinions and she knows how we feel, except for some reason it doesn't matter. Before she started dating him, our opinions meant the world to her.
My mom keeps telling my brother and I that we need to stop saying things because the more we say, the more she is going to want to date him. It really doesn't make sense to me! There has been so much tension here at home, it really makes me want to stay in va beach and not come home. But I don't want that. I love my family! But I don't want this drama in the house. Why can't my sister see it?
And there is a great example of questioning the plan of God. There IS a reason for this guy in my sister's life right now, and there IS a reason for the tension in my family. But my heart hurts right now. And I don't know how to make everything better. I'm the kind of person who just wants to fix everyone's problems and make everyone feel okay.
Trust. God wants me to trust Him right now. He wants me to be kind even when I don't want to be kind. He wants me to choose the right words instead of hurtful words. He wants me to understand that I have absolute no control over this situation as much as I'd like to.
So that is exactly what I need to pray for. I need to realize every day, in every aspect of each day, that God is in control and I need to cast my cares upon Him. It's hard for me to leave EVERYTHING in God's hands, but it seems aparent that He wants me to learn that lesson.
Thank you Lord for the lesson you teach us! Please make me grow closer to You because of the things and situations you bring into my life!
Here's how it all began...
I moved to VA Beach this past August to live closer to the man I love dearly. I left all my friends (who are still at the Bible college I transfered from), and I'm now 8 hours from my family instead of 1 hour. So there have been many times (at least once a month!) that I will cry about missing my friends and being so far from my family. First of all, it's so hard to find good, godly friends. I definitely have been missing my good friends at my old college. Secondly, I'd loved the option of being able to go home for a quick weekend/night if I wanted/needed to. Now I don't have those things. I thought coming home would be something I would definitely enjoy. But it's not at all like what I thought it would be like.
There has been a strain on our family for the past couple of months now. Everyone is growing up and differences start to show. Well, since none of my family reads this blog, I'll just explain so that anyone who does read it, could give some advice possibly?! For example, a couple years ago I dated a guy that was completely wrong for me in every area. He was charming, handsome, and had all the right things to say, but in the areas that mattered, he didn't cut it. My entire family could see it, but I couldn't. They tried saying things to me and warning me, but I pushed them farther and farther away because I didn't see what they saw. Finally, after the 3rd time of dating this guy and breaking up with him did the Lord really open my eyes. I can't exactly remember WHY or HOW I realized it...but maybe one day I'll remember. Anyway, the EXACT same thing is going on right now with my sister. My entire family disagrees with her dating him and she has moved farther and farther away from each of us. She's asked us each of our opinions and she knows how we feel, except for some reason it doesn't matter. Before she started dating him, our opinions meant the world to her.
My mom keeps telling my brother and I that we need to stop saying things because the more we say, the more she is going to want to date him. It really doesn't make sense to me! There has been so much tension here at home, it really makes me want to stay in va beach and not come home. But I don't want that. I love my family! But I don't want this drama in the house. Why can't my sister see it?
And there is a great example of questioning the plan of God. There IS a reason for this guy in my sister's life right now, and there IS a reason for the tension in my family. But my heart hurts right now. And I don't know how to make everything better. I'm the kind of person who just wants to fix everyone's problems and make everyone feel okay.
Trust. God wants me to trust Him right now. He wants me to be kind even when I don't want to be kind. He wants me to choose the right words instead of hurtful words. He wants me to understand that I have absolute no control over this situation as much as I'd like to.
So that is exactly what I need to pray for. I need to realize every day, in every aspect of each day, that God is in control and I need to cast my cares upon Him. It's hard for me to leave EVERYTHING in God's hands, but it seems aparent that He wants me to learn that lesson.
Thank you Lord for the lesson you teach us! Please make me grow closer to You because of the things and situations you bring into my life!
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